Autumn darkness

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Efterårets mørke har for alvor lagt sig over os og jeg tænker at det opleves på vidt forskellige måder, alt efter hvem man er. For nogle er det forbundet med noget trist og energiforladt, mens det for andre er lig med hygge og tryghed.

Jeg er gået fra ikke at bryde mig om efterårets mørke, til at nyde det. Det er generelt sagt. Jeg ville lyve, hvis jeg sagde, at jeg ikke tænker på lange lyse sommeraftener med længsel. Generelt nyder jeg dog at agere efter vejret. Jeg bruger tusmørket til at skabe en stille stund under et tæppe, med tændte stearinlys og et magasin (ja jeg læser mest magasiner for tiden – Kinfolk er en favorit). Ligeledes gælder det de mørke morgener. Jeg er et B menneske og springer ikke ud af sengen med glæde. Dog er tanken om, at se lyset trænge frem en motivationsfaktor. Jeg står ved vinduet med en kop dampende varm the og ser havens fyrretræer blive tydeligere og tydeligere, som solen trænger frem. Hvis jeg har mulighed for det, går jeg en tur mens mørket så småt falder på. Det lyder måske overromantisk og en smule plat, men det giver de mørke dage flere positive elementer.

En anden ting der har hjulpet mig til at anskue efteråret anderledes, er at droppe de negative udsagn herom. Ikke at udbryde “årk, hvor er der dog mørkt”, “føj, hvor er der koldt”, “gid der ikke var så lang tid til sommer”. At droppe de negative udtryk, hjalp mig til at tænke mere positivt.

Jeg håber at disse overvejelser og bud på måder at anskue efterårets mørke på, giver mening for dig.

English recap: I believe that the autumn darkness is looked upon in different ways depending on who you are. For some it is associated with something sad and energy left, while for others it is equal to long, dark and cozy afternoons and evenings. 

I went from disliking autumn darkness to enjoying it. I spend the twilight to create a quiet moment under a blanket, with lighted candles and a magazine (yes I read most magazines at the moment – Kinfolk is a favorite).  Likewise the dark mornings. I am not a fresh morning person and I definitely don’t jump out of bed with joy. However, the idea of ​​enjoying seeing the light break forth is a motivating factor. I stand by the window with a cup of steaming hot tea and watch the garden pines become clearer and clearer as the sun rises. If I have the chance, I go for a walk while darkness slowly falls. It may sound romantic and a bit corny, but it gives the long, dark days several positive elements.

Another thing that has helped me to look differently at autumn darkness was to stop talking negatively about it. Not to exclaim ” Damn it’s dark, I hate it,” “I wish it wasn’t this cold,” ” I miss summer.” Not to say these negative expressions out loud, helped me to think more positively .

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Disappointment

I feel disappointed all the way into my bones today. I didn’t get into my dream study. Antropoligy that is. I got the message today and burst into tears. Because of the crushed dream but also because I tend to think of it as a failure. As a sign of me not being good enough, smart enought. It takes everything I have to turn those thoughts around and think of it in a different way.

This means I have to find myself a new home (this appartments is only for people under education), search for a job and start a new life in some way. This is not the worst thing that could happen, but as I am a very sensitive person it takes a lot of my energy. I fear big changes like these, and again it takes everything I have to keep positive. However I’m willing to “put up the fight”. I’m a fighter and a surviver. I’m sure everything is going to be all right, I just have to get through this struggle.

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